Lost
by Okobojii
Summary: After Suze's cousin, Erin, moves in, her world turns upside down. As if that's not enough, Jesse's gone stoic, Father D is on her case, and Paul is still all over her. It's when she finds out a secret about her family, though, that her life really changes
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Y'all know I don't own any of Meg Cabot's intellectual property, so why ask? As for Erin and the other new characters, yes, they're "mine," but, as this is a learning community, I don't really care if people use them in other stories. Have fun.

A/Ns:

1 - If you hadn't read, this is after Haunted

2 - I have never claimed to be a fashion prodigy, don't hold me to be. I'm tryin' here, kids

3 - Meg never named Suze's mom in the series (not yet anyway), so I provided one. ;0) Just lettin' you know

4 - My rabbit is honestly trying to kill me

5 - Sorry, don't know what that last note was about, let's get on with it then, shall we?

"Suzie," my door pushed open and my mom walked it. "We need to be going to get Erin at the airport, do you want to come?"

Only, the way that she said 'do you want to come' somehow sounded more like 'get up, we're going now.' I pretended not to notice.

So I said, "I don't think so, Mom, I'm really kind of swamped with this Algebra 2 homework."

At which point, she gave me the glare of doom. You know, the one that meant 'if you don't come along right now, you're going to regret it later.' And by 'regret it,' I had the sickening feeling that she meant that my next request for the AmEx card, no matter what awesome sale was going on, would be denied.

That's how I got stuck in the back of the Land Rover next to David. Jeff and Brad got to stay home, which I loudly pointed out until Mom hit me with another glare and started lecturing us on how, since Erin was new to town and the family, we'd have to be especially nice to her so that she felt welcome. It was also that moment that Mom decided to inform me exactly where Erin would be staying.

"Well, you have that daybed from when Gina visited already up there," she was explaining. "Besides, she'll only be in your room until we can get the study fixed up for her."

I protested, of course, but only half-heartedly. I mean, what did it matter that I would be sharing my room with a twelve-year-old, anyway? Jesse wasn't exactly living with me anymore or anything so she wouldn't be walking in on any of my private moments with him. Not that I had had any private moments with Jesse on a regular basis or anything.

Actually, I hadn't seen much of him since he moved out. He apparently no longer felt welcome to appear in my room without notice so if I wanted to talk, I had to find him wherever he was hiding around the school. And it was a lot harder to have a private talk with him when I knew that, at any moment, another student, a novice, or - worst of all - Father D could just walk in. It kind of put a strain on what little relationship we had. I mean, we had only kissed twice now and, while both times it was amazing, memories will not alone keep my world spinning. The problem was that it seemed like every time he kissed me, he would go into this guilt phase where he would hide. Then he would go to his confessor, yep, you guessed it, Father D. Who would then come to me and have a 'talk' about me using my 'feminine wiles' on poor, defenseless Jesse.

You see the problem.

The reason I was acting all sullen about Erin coming to visit wasn't really her fault, it was more just irritation that every time I thought that my life with Jesse was going somewhere, we fell right back to the same place again. And it was frustrating, you know? Especially when I couldn't just say 'whatever' and move on or anything. Not only was there a lack of guys waiting at the door, but even the ones who were there only made me think about how wonderful he was. God, guys suck sometimes.

"It'll be nice having her around," my mother was saying. "Suzie, don't you remember the family reunion? It was so much fun, you two got along so well..."

I didn't reply. I was already on the cusp of saying goodbye to any new Pradas for the coming months, I didn't want to risk it any further. Truth was, that family reunion was four years ago and one of the most terrible weekends of my life. Mom and I had flown out to Missouri where they were having the reunion in this park. Now, I'm not exactly nature girl to begin with, but this place was pure hell for me, I can tell you. Not only were there more bugs than I could imagine in my wildest nightmares, but I had been the only kid under thirty there.

No, not the only one, Erin had been there too. Granted, she had only been eight to my twelve at the time, but in times of need, you bond with whatever you could get. She wasn't exactly ideal, though she found the whole nature thing fascinating.

So here's where I explain about Erin. Erin's alright, from what I remember. While I don't remember very much, there are some things that stick solidly in my mind. To begin with, she's about ten times worse than Doc about knowing everything about everything. Besides, she's the type that tells you, not just because she thought you might find it interesting, like David did, but because it was her test of your intellect. If you didn't know at least as much as she did, you were considered to be barely worth her time. The only reason she had stuck with me was because she had no other choice.

The other thing about Erin is this, she kinda gets passed around the family. See, her mom, my aunt (on my mom's side), is one of those people who travels the world working her way from port to port on whatever odd jobs she can get. Truth be told, I've never met the woman myself, but she sends postcards sometimes. Anyway, that kind of life is great, but not exactly the way to raise a kid. After she got herself knocked up somewhere, she did make an honest effort to settle down and raise the child. She moved in with my grandma and had Erin, with full intentions of raising her. Unfortunately, these good intentions only lasted a grand total of two months. Then one day she just left, leaving a note with Grandma that she couldn't take it anymore. Since then, Erin's been passed from family member to family member, depending on who could take her at the time. For the last few years, she's been living with my Aunt Marge in Missouri, but Aunt Marge's farm had been hit by a drought pretty badly last year and she couldn't afford to feed another mouth this year.

Hence why Erin is coming to us.

That's why we're standing at this airport, smiles plastered on, waiting for her to get off the plane that just came in. As the people started to come out of the little door, I realized that I had no idea what she even looked like now and only a vague recollection of what she looked like then. I hoped that Mom had an idea, because we had apparently forgotten the sign we made back at the house.

Finally, a girl with dark brown hair and a killer outfit I swear I saw in Cosmo last month came down the landing.

Mom, rushed forward and swept the girl up in a hug, "Erin! It's so great to see you!"

_Hmmm_, I thought, _maybe this won't be so bad after all, the girl's got taste_. Not that I'd expected her to have corn husks sticking out of her hair or the lingering odor of goats or anything, I'm not quite _that_ stereotypical of the Midwest, but the Erin I remember wasn't exactly worried about the latest fashions from Armani. Besides, they didn't exactly have many designer stores where she was from, this girl must have been the queen of all shoppers to get that look and on a farmer's budget...

Of course, my admiration and confusion was all explained a moment later.

Instead of the girl hugging my mom back, though, she kind of leapt away in distaste, "who are you?"

"Aunt Kathy?" a voice asked from behind the fashion plate girl. Then she stepped into view. She was probably six inches shorter than me with frizzy blonde hair and thick glasses. She was dressed in a normal set of jeans and a t-shirt that read 'uncle larry's pizza and grill' on the front. With her, she carried a blue backpack that looked much too large for her.

Apparently, Andy thought so, too, as he stepped over to take it from her. She, however, refused.

"I can get it," she insisted.

He shrugged. My mom looked appalled.

"I'm so sorry, Erin," she said. "I just didn't know what you'd look like. No one sent us a picture and she looked like the last one off the plane."

"No big deal," the girl shrugged. "Shall we get my other bag?"

"Bag?" I must have sounded a little more shocked than I'd intended because Mom glared at me. Erin, however, apparently didn't notice.

"I travel light," she answered, leading the way to the baggage conveyor belts. "My books are, of course, in the mail and should arrive any day now. Well, the books that I couldn't fit in my carry-on, anyway."

"Yes, Suzie," My mother said. "Some people don't need an entire shopping mall to carry around with them when they go somewhere."

I chose not to respond to that.

"We forgot your sign at home," David said..

"Welcome to California," Andy told her. "We can grab your stuff and head out to the car."

We went to grab her bag, which turned out to be a gym bag that also apparently weighed a ton, with the way Brad was complaining about it. And headed out of the parking lot. I reached into my pocket before we got to the door and pulled out an extra pair of sunglasses, something no one had thought to do when I had first gotten here.

I shoved them at Erin, "here, you might want these."

"When I was reading up on Northern California, I realized that it would probably be very bright, I brought my own," she reached into her own pocket and pulled out what appeared to be a pair of six dollar wal-mart sunglasses, shading her eyes with them.

Well, then. fine with me, if she wanted to pass up a pair of Armani sunglasses for her Wally World specials, so be it. I tried and had seen that my mother had observed and approved. New Kate Spade, here I come.

So we headed out to the cars. Yes, cars. We couldn't all fit into the Land Rover, but Mom and Andy insisted that we needed to all be there to make Erin feel more comfortable. Hence that we had taken the Land Rover (Jake drove) and the parents had gotten to cruise in Andy's new mustang convertible.

Life is so unfair.

Erin piled in with us and she and David were deep in conversation about the most recent attempts by some group in Arizona to build a plane that would go into space. Something about an X something-or-other. Besides the two of them, though, it was silent the rest of the way back to the house.

I took her up to the room we would be sharing until Andy finished converting the study for her. She looked around, her eyes lingering on the ruffles on the bed and the pink of the walls, a slight bit of disgust in her eyes. I rolled my own.

"Mom decorated it for me," I explained. I didn't really care what she thought about it all, truthfully.

I flopped down on the bed after telling her she would be on the freshly Febreezed daybed. Not like Jesse was gonna lounge on the thing any time soon, right? I sighed.

"What's wrong?"

I looked over at Erin, her eyes wide behind those Coke lenses, "nothing. It's a long story... and one I totally don't want to get into at the moment."

"Why?"

I frowned, preparing a response. At that moment, though, my mom called up the stairs, "Suzie! Someone's on the phone for you!"

Not wanting to take any phone call, especially one that was probably Father D wanting to chastize me for whatever I did this time, in front of Erin, I excused myself and took the call in the soon-to-be Erin's room.

"Hello?" I asked into the receiver.

"Hey there."

It wasn't Father D. It wasn't CeeCee or Adam either. It was the person who was number one on my list of "don't really want to talk to them right now." So I took a deep breath.

"Hello, Paul."


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey, all! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, you sure know how to make a new author feel welcome around this popsicle stand._

_Not much else to say, so here's the second chapter._

**-K**

"Suze," his silky voice slithered over the phone.

I frowned, "what do you want?"

"Hey, what's with the offensive?" He chuckled, "I just want to talk."

"About what," I asked. A bit of sarcasm filtered into my voice, "how's the nose, Paul?"

"Better, how sweet of you to ask," I could hear him frown. "If it weren't for our little deal, your favorite spook would be seriously in trouble."

"I'm sure he's shaking in his spectral glow," I retorted, but inside I grimaced. Damn it, I had completely forgotten about the deal. So that must be why he was bothering me. I sighed, "what do you want, Paul?"

"Just to talk..."

"And what else?"

"You're not much for the small talk tonight, are you? Fine then," his voice switched back to that silky tone. "When do you want to start fulfilling your side of the bargain?"

Never, I thought. How's that for you? He cut me off, though.

"And, remember, before you answer, that I don't have to keep my side before you keep yours. Jesse isn't safe until you..."

"Just tell me where to meet you," I gave in. I wasn't going to give him the chance to go after Jesse, even if the guy had suddenly gone back to his old stoic self again.

"Tomorrow after school, meet me out front..."

"Wait, they're _letting_ you back in.."

He snorted, "the only reason I was at that school at the first place was so that I could be around you. I'll be waiting for you at the front gates. Be there at three or... well... you know." He chuckled and I swear I could hear him grin menacingly before he hung up the phone.

Well, then.

Still shaking from the conversation with Paul, I went back to my room. When I stepped inside, however, I noticed two things had changed:

1. Erin was gone. I had suspected this as I had heard the TV turn on halfway through the conversation with Paul... something that sounded strangely like the Disney channel.

2. Jesse was sitting on his usual windowseat. Spike was there as well, purring loudly.

Okay, so I kind of lied. Jesse technically lives over at the rectory now, but still visits to, he claims, see Spike. Trust me, we tried to move him to the church with Jesse - and Father D had to do quite the negotiating to get Sister Ernastine to agree to even give the cat the chance, but after he sent one novice to the emergency room and managed to shred an entire drawer of the good Sister's underthings, he was promptly sent back to live with me.

Oh, goody.

The upside is that it means Jesse still gets to come over, as it's the only way to keep Spike from visiting _him_ at the rectory. Of course, Jesse barely _looks_ at me while he's here, but I suppose that's beside the point.

"Hey," I said, trying to sound non-chalant. I dumped my bag onto the bed and began to sort out my homework.

"Hello, q..."

He stopped abruptly. The word, _my_ word, hung between us silently. He had stopped using it just after the second, and last, time we kissed. What happened, what he had said that day played through my mind every time we had one of these awkward silences.

_Just when I had thought that my lungs would burst from the lack of oxygen, he pulled away from me. He still held me close in his arms, but now looked down at me, an expression in his eyes that I couldn't name but fully understood anyway. I just wanted to stay there, with him, forever. I had meant what I said. I didn't care if my family couldn't see him. I could and that was all that mattered to me._

_After a few moments though, he released me and pulled back, turning his face away._

"_Jesse?" I didn't like the confused wobble in my voice, but it was there. I reached out to touch his arm and he shifted back just enough to be out of my reach. "What's going..."_

"_We're just making it harder,_ querida_," he said, his gaze reverting to the ground. _

"_Making what.... Jesse, I don't understand."_

"_The priest is right," he continued. "This.. We... this is wrong. I can't do this to you. It is wrong for me to take advantage of you in this way."_

Hold on_, I thought. _Please! Take advantage of me! Not complaining, here...

_Luckily, though, I didn't say that, "don't I have a say in any of this? I told you, I don't care if..."_

"_But you will," he interrupted me, finally facing me again. "Some day, you will. And I don't want to be the one holding you back when you do. Please, we must not."_

"_So that's it then?" I felt that annoying burning sensation in my eyes, but refused to allow them through. "Cold turkey?"_

_He gave me a confused look at that last bit, but answered anyway, "yes." Before I could say anything else, he spoke again, "the priest is coming, I must go."_

Then he disappeared.

Which is what lead to, a few days later, me getting called into Father D's office and getting another lecture on Jesse and my feminine wiles. Honestly, I can fully realize the guy's problem with finding a priest to confess to who is a mediator and can actually see him, but there's gotta be someone else somewhere.

Of course, knowing that Jesse has impure thoughts about me that he _has_ to confess is pretty encouraging, even if I _do_ have to hear about it from Father D.

I turned my attention back to the pair of them on the window seat. He had reverted to dutifully scratching Spike's ears while the cat purred more and more loudly.

Lucky cat.

I sighed. I knew it was going to be impossible to study with the two of them there. I mean, it was different when I got to see Jesse all the time, but now that it was an occasional thing? Well, let's just say that last time I had to try Algebra with him here, I got the same answer for every single problem... and it wasn't even a number. So I headed back out the door and downstairs to get a drink of water. It was better if I didn't just hang around looking like I wanted him to kiss me, which I totally did, but that was beside the point.

You see why I thought it was best to give them a few minutes alone.

I heard the TV shut off as I entered the kitchen. That would mean that Erin was heading back upstairs, which would almost certainly cause Jesse to disappear. I grabbed a can of Diet Coke from the fridge and headed back up. I had killer amounts of algebra to finish.

As I walked back into my room, I saw something I had never expected. Jesse was still there and both he and Spike were staring at Erin. She had pulled out the chair to my vanity and turned it so that she was straddling it, much, I remembered, like I had the first time I had spoken to him.

"So," she was saying. "What's your name? And why are you still here?"


End file.
